grrawr

so, my birthday was the 29th.
it was freeking amazing.

David sent his shirt.
and skylar gave me RockBand.
its amazing.

and i really should work on chapter four of my book.
so, yeah...
whatever.

OH-i was at a party yesterday, drove in amazing italian cars.
freeking amazing.

two weeks LATER

wow. its been two weeks too long.

haha, this is my last week of summerschool
(easy but BORING)
and my birthday is in eight days.
pretty chill, dont you think?

okay, so, lets see...
David was at camp last week, i missed him.
i got in a fight with his exgirlfriend. she needs to get a life.
Nicki gave me some of her music. i now have a list of new favorite songs.
Nicki and i are currently not talking.
i hope she'll get over it.
welcome to PMSing. it sucks.

OH-before i forget, theres a new "david-osiphy" (yeah, stupid, i know)
if whomever doesnt want to talk to me again, and sure, it wasnt my fault, but i cant change the way Their mind thinks.its something i just have to get over with and move on.
(talking about breakups, much)

okay, so, thats it really for now.
so, yeah.
OH, go check out my other blogspot.
all my writing is there.

createbrie.blogspot.com

live in colour

so, i'm hungry.
its been a week since i've said anything, so thought i'd catch whomever, myself, up.

i spent the fourth at Styles house. her sister-in-laws mother lives next door to the Italian Mafia.
it was the greatest thing ever.
and my fifth grade teacher was there.
odd, much?

i've spent a while just writing, and writing... and writing.
its quite a habit now.

i;ve fought with my brother.
i've watched harry potter AGAIN for the twentieth time.
and i've watched Get Smart.
go see taht movie.

i havent seen Wall-e yet.
i want to.

OH, and newfavorite piano song: Cristafori's Dream
greatest thing ever.

okay... i think thats it.
go check out my other blog, yeah?
createbrie.blogspot.com


OH, and the title, thought i'd throw that at you.
David and I were talking the other day, and i realized that maybe things arent all black and white.
theres no ONE WAY. theres no one path
theres a mixture of things.
like... abortion.
theres certain ways i'm against it
and theres certain ways i'm for it.
it takes forever to explain.

but there you go, COLOUR.

It Will Be Alright

and i know it. hahaha
so, i was watching this video.
and it made me SMILE.
it makes me think that there is potential for happiness.
and i loved it.
http://www.wherethehellismatt.com/videos.shtml?fbid=KLReb

because it wont let me post it (or i'm just stupid like that)

so, friday was the last day of VBS, and Nicki, Brittany and i went to the beach
then rode the train whereever it took us.
and WROTE.
it was great.

andi got shinsplints.

and then yesterday i went to the SDfair. and played RockBand.
you should. it was GREAT.

and it didnt help my shinsplints.
boo.

favorite two new bands: Jamestown Story; One Star Story
they're great. check them out?

okay... not much else to say.
except i'm going to go play the new Spiro now.
<3

welcome SCREWUPS.

so, i just finished my Health, forEVER.
thank GOD. that class was MURDER.

my mum and Bro just walked in the door about 40 minutes ago
now alli have to do is make it to friday.
Nicki, Sabi and I are going to the BEACH to write.

you should hook up with us there.
hahahaha, or not.

we're all in the middle of a series, and mine is the most... it needs more help then theirs does.
lets just leave it at that.

and i guess the 5th of July theres this Drum Corps thing going on at Stanford that Davids going to.
and i'm a TOTAL band groupie, and i call good music "pretty", and this music, is completely BEAUTIFUL.
yes, that means i want to go. but it also means i might have to be left out of this spending-the-night thing for Funsized's birthday.

IF i have the chance to go to this DCI thing, i'm so So SO there. but, i doubt it.
poop.


and i was thinking today, its been EXACTLY a month since i saw david for the first time since eighth grade, and exactly a week since i saw him last.
i wanna know how we pulled it off.

hahaha
whatever.
its pretty chill.

now, i bet you're wondering about this title of mine.
welcome SCREWUPS.
thats me.
i always say "welcome to my life"
and most recently, i realized i say that about things that are messed up
and i;m usually saying it to messed up people (all my friends, really. i mean, come on, we;re teenagers)
and so i realized, all i'm really saying is that.

and yeah.

i dunno, being random.
<3
out, loves.

Wake me up in COLOUR

i've had this movie line stuck in my head for a while, something about finally realizing that MAYBE the world was just black and white... (ELIZABETH TOWN) and i realized that maybe it is. maybe that line is true. but if it is, we can MAKE our own colour.
just like colour pictures started off as black and white.

i dont know, maybe the music is getting to me.

--
day three of just my dad and me. Mum and Skylar come home tomorrow afternoon/night and i CANT CANT CANT wait. i missed them.
and i just cant really take it anymore.

its not like we've fought too much (we have, but nothing BIG... yet) i just dont really get along with him.

most people dont get along with their parents, but i dunno. maybe this is different. i've never heard anyone act like me around their father like i act around mine.

whatever.

-----
welcome to finding out about me.
i have another blog
where all my stories are at.

createbrie.blogspot.com

its just all my writing.
i found out yesterday that i have 30 stories.
i was waiting for 20 before i wrote a few CHAPTERS to send into get published.
i've drempt about this for years.

but do i REALLY want the world knowing how my mind works?
and its GOT to be different then just blogging.
its actual ENGLISH freaks looking at it, and picking it apart.

do i want that?

yes. i do. i want to see my name printed across a book.

but, still...
i dont know.
i dont want my mother knowing how my mind works.
i dont want the WORLD knowing that my mind works the way it does.

but i LOVE the reactions i get.

maybe i can ask mum what she thinks.
'cause i dont know if i brought it up with David.
but i'll do that tonight too.

--
haha, i talked to him last night.
i kinda enjoy our conversations.

---
AND JUST FOR THE RECORD: piano christmas music in June is the BEST THING EVER.

--

and it still needs to POUR in San Diego.

UNTOUCHED

okay, for the record, i don't think i EVER want kids anymore.
at least not a boy.

for VBS, i was only supposed to have six kids.
i had eight.
and one was the type of kid that would listen to NOTHING you said, ALWAYS talk, and just UGH.
i mean, i don't want to go back tomorrow.
wow.
but there were three little girls that were worth the whole day.

it's REALLY tiring though.

--

and health online is SO much work.
i mean UGH. TIRED, MUCH?

i have to write notes for five more chapters, and i have some personal fitness thing to do, that i havent started because i have NO idea what the CRAP we're suppossed to do.
and i cant just NOT do it. i'd fail.
and i cant fail.

so, yeah.
death, much?

--

home alone works well for me.
its cooling off in SanDiego well.

you know what that means?
i need HIM to curl up with.

and yeah, i might be talking about my best friend.
and yeah, i'm pretty much in love with the guy.
and yeah, fivehundred miles SUCKS.
but what can i do?

--

okay, "in other news" (i like that line)
i've been listening to The Veronicas. they're amazing.
favorite songs:
UNTOUCHED
Hook Me Up
Take Me On The Floor
Popular
Did Ya Think

they define my life.
well, untouched mostly.
but yeah. go listen.
i like music and movies.
i think i need a summer list.

--

OH, and, the reason why i didnt sleep last night (because i think it was my most amazing writing in a while)


NIGHTMARE
(theres two endings)


She sat there, on the couch, looking at her food. It repulsed her. She smelled it, it was only sitting there for a matter of hours, and it smelt like… food. She ran to the bathroom, and collapsed against the counter. Looking up, she didn’t recognize the girl reflected in the mirror.
Still the same colour hair, the auburn, but it hung limply, brushed, but neglected. Her face was sunken in, like a skeleton. Her clothes were at least two sizes too big, and hung limply around her shivering form. She lifted her sweatshirt and two shirts to look at herself. Her ribs poked out from her body, no fat could be found, no muscle. She looked like a piece of cloth draped around a hanger. There was nothing to her, and she could blow away in the wind. Yet, Sam was still repulsed. She knew that as soon as she walked out that door, into his arms, he would have something to throw at her for her to improve on.
And her eyes. They stayed the same throughout the past four months. They were still the same hazel eyes, just maybe a little more sad. Maybe they had some fear reflected too. And Sam looked tired. Extremely tired.
She walked to her room, and slowly opened the door. It was the scarcest place in the house. The place where the nightmares happen. She grabbed the door handle, and turned it. The door opened with a loud creek, and a bang as it his the wall. When she heard no movement, she knew that she was home alone. She always was. It wouldn’t be home without the silence.
She walked into the poignant room, to see the messy bed, the sheets torn aside form the most recent nightmares, clothes thrown about the room, and everything dark and sinister. She smiled. Light was coming through the curtains, she had a few hours of happiness left.
With the furniture listening, Sam asked, “Is this what its come to? This menacing crap and I’m happy? How did I turn out like this?” she turned, tripped, and fell to the ground, hearing a resisting crack. Crying out in pain, Sam slowly lifted herself up. The thin girl winced at her broken wrist as she set it back into place, and searched for a splint.
She always had one lying around, why couldn’t she find one?
“Looking for this?” Sam’s eyes closed, she grimaced, and looked up.
“You’re early,” she replied. She could smell the smoke and the liquor on him. She knew the nightmare tonight would be worse then all the others. He replied with a yes, some excuse, and the usual insult of, “why don’t you ever dress up for me anymore?”
And, as usual, Sam replied with an apology, and excuse, only to be slapped across the room. He grabbed her wrist and put the brace around it. “Better, you fucking klutz?” he asked her. She only nodded in response.
And that only pissed him off more. He tore the sweatshirt off her to hear her cry in surprise. Quickly, he tore the rest of her clothing off as well.
She was crying now, more then she ever had any of the other times. And then he saw it, the bruises he left, perfect fist marks all down her sides, the cuts all across her back and thighs. He smiled at them, kissed every one, and Sam shuddered every time.
Slowly, after his work was done, he pulled out, and walked out of her house after a few more insults. It couldn’t even be called a home anymore, not with nightmares.
Sam slowly got up, dragged her clothes back on, and looked at her face in the mirror. The stranger staring back wiped the smeared makeup off her face, and the hopelessness from her eyes.
Her last escape was still waiting. He hadn’t found that yet.
She ran for the drawer in the kitchen, pulled out everything, lifted the bottom of it, it seemed to be getting heaver, and pulled out her silver friend.
Something she never turned to, but something she now needed.
She dragged it across her skin, immediately feeling weaker. She smiled as the door opened.
He walked in to see her on the floor covered in blood.
She looked up, took the knife and pierced her heart. The last thing she remembered was the look of terror on his face as she smiled. She was free.

OR
He walked in to see her on the floor covered in blood.
She looked up, but couldn’t move her arm. She wouldn’t be able to finish her job. He called the hospital; they said she’d make it.It looks like she’d be staying with nightmares forever after all.

creatures on my bed.

so, i got up at three-thirty this morning, jolting awake to an amazingly cold room, sheets torn aside, and all the lights off. why? because nightmares rule my life. well, my dreams anyway.
i knew my father would be waking anytime, from half an hour to an hour from now, but i got up anyway. i walked out to the kitchen, followed by my creatures, and grabbed a cup of ICE water. more ice then water, mind you, but the cold helped wake me up. the monsters followed me back into my room. i grabbed my pillow, threw it on the floor, and sat on it. the creatures curled up on my bed.
i looked at them. with a little light on, with my mind actually awake, they werent that terrifying. but i knew that as soon as my eyes closed, i would be pounced upon, and eaten quickly. or at least beaten.
okay, yes, i know that they're just in my mind, but we never know how much your mind has power. and i bet you want to know what monsters these horrors are.
well, for starters, theres always spiders in nightmares.
and there will always be my best friend, as the hero that took the chance to have control.
in my mind, theres never a hero. just choices to save things. which ususally people dont take if it involves me.
but theres always me as the person left outside in the baking sun and the pounding snow.
and theres always a guy. the advantage taker that, in my dreams, takes me at every chance he gets. when i say no, he just goes at it harder, more passionate.
and blood. for some reason, theres always blood in my nightmares.
i know what you're thinking. the "wow, shes got to be crazy to be dreaming about these things!" well, sure. i could be.
or it could be just that i have an overactive imagination, and that the fact that i write unhappy things just before i go to bed can be tearing my mind apart.
but anway, i was sitting on the floor, looking up at these creatures on my bed, and smiled.
my best friend scratched his head and laughed evily, the horrible guy smiled at him and pet a spider, the spiders just sat there and watched me with all their eyes. but, in this most recent nightmare, there were a TON of dogs. the only good thing.
and for some reason, my favorite, one was laying on my bed. he looked at me, and licked my nose. i touched where his tounge did, it was cold.
i saw these creatures, grabbed an icecube, and curled up on the floor.
next time i looked up, i was alone.
like usual.

i fell into a dreamless sleep, to most people. as i layed there, if you paied close attention, you could notice my fingers moving, as if on a piano. to get rid of the thoughts of them, which always linger, i played. in my mind; which was full of the music. i couldnt see, taste, touch, smell; only hear. it saved me until six-thirty.




---
OKAY, i have VBS today.
with about six little kids.
can i say SCARED, much?

sure, they're just kids, but i'm an increadibly impatient person.
and recently, noise is NOT my thing.
great.

---

and i was listening to the song called "LOVE SONG"
i've never actually listened to it before.

but, now i want someone to sing to me.
hahahaha
i dunno, i like to hear people.
i have this thing with NOT BEING ALONE.
home alone is okay
but around people alone isnt.
weird, ehh?


---
okay, i really should get ready to leave his house.
think they'll let me post more then one blog a day?
there'll be more to say soon.
haha

start.

okay. wow. a blog
i think i've always wanted one.

and it took me until today to actually deside to do it.
i guess its one of thoes things. summer is the time for me to let loose, and actually do what i was putting off.

i dont even know who all is going to see it, or who's going to read it, or who's going to care.
i just might as well get my mind out there.

and as for everyone who's reading this, you might as well get to know me.
i got the idea from a little singer/band called BACKSEAT GOODBYE.
i want you to check them out.

i like to write. usually its all unhappy, but i dont think it's ever bothered me.
it bothers a lot of people.

my best friend's name is David. he lives fivehundred miles north.
i pretty much love him.

i have one older brother. his name is Skylar. you mess with him, i murder you.

i like taking pictures, i dont like being in them.

i love music, movies, and books.
welcome to my life



but ANYWAY
to let my mind loose, we might as well do this thing, right?
i dont get blogs. are they for sharing your thoughts, or being creative and writing away?
or both?

hmm

so, its day two of just my father and i home without my mum and my bro. they're off at his orentation for college.
i cant say i'm enjoying it too much. it kind of bothers me.

see, i never really get along with my dad. i'm too independent, and i fight with him.
and thats the way i work.

so, i dont have the best relationship with the guy.
but, i guess that doesnt matter does it?

hes just there.


--

one thing told to me a few days ago was "its good to be transparent".
i dont know. transparent so people dont see you, or transparent so people read you?
and is it good if people know what you think?

--

okay, so, Brittany is now on her way over to my house.
i havent seen her since school got out two weeks ago.
she was at camp
and i was busy.

so, i guess there'll be more tomorrow?

haha. this is going to be fun.

--

and for the record, i want it to POUR IN SAN DIEGO.